"The Entertainers" (BBC2, Tue & Wed, 10pm) That'll be the definition of entertainer which reads "someone who was vaguely famous in 1972 but who has since fallen into obscurity due to a lack of any discernable talent (and Nicholas Parsons)" I didn't believe there could be a sight worse than Rik Waller in shorts, but now I've seen it all - Bernard Manning in yellowing underpants! I think I need to bleach my eyeballs!

"The Sun & Me" (BBC2, Wed 9pm) No mention of the £5.00 holidays to Filey, Rhyl & Ilfracombe, so it must've been The Sun & someone else. I'm a Weekly World News girl myself, The Sun is a bit intellectual for me!

"Pet Hates" (BBC1, Thu 9pm) For goodness sake folks. "Grip" "Life" "Clue". There, now you've got one of each. If the worst thing in your life is a bit of dog mess on the pavement, then you've got it easy. Want to swap lives? I can see the attraction of having a pet or two (to keep each other company when you're out having that life I gave you earlier), but surely
there's something missing in your world when you reach double figures? Please people, get out once in a while, interact with other human beings, your cat does NOT know what you're saying to it.

"The Osbournes" (Ch4, Fri 9.30) You've more than likely already seen it, and made up your own mind about the Brummy Anti-Christ. So all I'm going to say is that I want Kelly's pink hair! Not so sure my boss would approve, but there you go.

"50 places to see before you die" (BBC1, Sun 8pm) And Craig Doyle's bedroom isn't among them? Despite my votes? I demand a recount. No real surprise at the lack of Britain, and very little Europe. We tend to forget what's on our own doorsteps. Truly dream TV - what I'd do if I won the lottery sort of thing. Might help if I bought a ticket though, I don't think my bus pass will get me to the Grand Canyon.

"Celebrity Bargain Hunt Live"(BBC1, all week, times vary) Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. The nights are drawing in, Christmas is getting closer, it must be time for Children in Need (more about that next week). Just to get us in the mood for poor quality so-called entertainment in the name of Charidee, mate, a week of the Orange Man & his showbiz chums. First up Ainsley Harriott & Anthony Worrall-Thompson. Maybe I don't have an eye for antiques, but every time they said "ooooh, isn't that lovely", I had an urge to jump up and scream "No, it's overpriced, tacky & revolting!" No way was that teddy bear worth £1300, charity or no charity.

"TLC"(BBC2, Mon 9.30) I could tell you what you already know - half of Armstrong & Miller and one of League of Gentlemen in a woefully understaffed, under funded NHS hospital. You've read the papers, you know this much. But... Tim Brooke-Taylor! And Lofty! And that fat bloke who was in Pie in the Sky! That makes it worthwhile! And I haven't laughed out loud so much in, oooh, a week.

"I'm Alan Partridge" (BBC2, Mon 10pm) Actually, no I'm not, I'm Lorraine the TV review person. And I'm cringing behind the cushions. Has the beeb decided to make this the Cringe-Zone? First The Office, now Alan Partridge. Clinically fed-up, third best show on Radio Norwich (which I think is roughly equivalent to being 2nd shepherd in the school Nativity play) I'm never quite sure whether to love this, hate it, or spend the whole half hour behind the sofa, gibbering like a fool. Probably the third. Yes. Gibbering.

Lorraine

mailto:lorraine@scribeweekly.com

Alan Partridge official site click to visit.

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