UK TV review issue 47

"Spoilt Rotten" (ITV, Thu 9pm) I want a pink & fluffy bedroom with a mirror ball on the ceiling. I want a pair of Armani jeans. I want a £20,000 birthday party. But this is the real world, and I stand about as much chance of getting any of those as I do winning the lottery (but when I do win the lottery, I'm definitely having them!) Leaves a bitter taste in your mouth that these kids get all this without ever really appreciating it. The real world is going to hit home so hard for them, when they realise that they actually have to work for things. Sad at the same time though, you
could see it with the older ones, they'd rather be able to spend some TIME with their parents, doing normal things, than being left with nannies, child minders & baby sitters and occasionally being paraded out like some kind of trophy.

"Sleeping With Celebrities" (ITV, Thu 10.30) Was I going to miss this? Don't be stupid. I couldn't tear myself away from it! As if we didn't already know enough about the sex lives of Ulrika Jonsson & Angus Deayton, a whole hour of celebrity sleaze. An ex-Gladiator, a call-girl, Simon Cowell's lap dancer, and Bungalow Bill Wiggins. What a wonderful representation of humanity at it's lowest. "I'm not one to kiss and tell!" No, of course not, that's why you sold your story to the papers, and then came crawling out of the woodwork again when you heard ITV's cheque book being opened for this. Trash TV at it's very best!

"Boys & Girls" (C4, Sat 9pm) Cheese Central. You can spot the Chris Evans influence a mile off. Or to be precise you can spot the "Don't Forget Your Toothbrush" bits a mile off. I desperately want to smack Vernon Kay, and wipe that smug grin right off his face. And his dancing? I thought I was watching Austin Powers by mistake. (that's not a compliment, by the way) Beyond bad, into the realms of truly awful. Jade? Why? Make her go away. I wasn't surprised the see the Ginger Minger crop up at the end in his little golf cart, did anyone expect him to resist the temptation to get his ugly mug in front of the camera? I was living in hope, but he dashed it at the last minute. Grrrr. And isn't this just a late night version of MTV's Singled Out?

"Celebrity Driving School" (BBC1, Mon 8.30) Let's make this clear. Jade is not a celebrity. Jade is a publicity hungry minger who can barely walk and talk at the same time without assistance. There is no way she should be allowed on our roads. What were the BBC thinking? The others are keeping me entertained though, makes me realise my driving isn't actually quite that bad! Wish the BBC had paid for my driving lessons for me, would have saved
me a fortune. Though I've got to ask... they have two months? The big reveal is March 14th. Yet Nadia Sawalha has just had her baby in this week's show. Her baby was born on Boxing Day (I think. Either that or New Years Day), and Gareth was recording a Christmas special TOTP. They've had more than two months, I'm sure.

Finally, quiz answer of the week. Trainers.

Lorraine

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Previous reviews

Lorraines predictions for 2003

UK TV awards 2002 the Lorr's Lorraine's lyrical tribute to xmas TV

Issue 46 45 43 42 41 40 39 38 34 33 32 31 30 29 28 27 26 25 24 23 22 21 20

New Year Retro Review Christmas Retro Review

Celebrity Bashings